


Apartment 6C

by HobbitFeels



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, Fingering, Fluff, Grindr, M/M, Modern AU, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Smut, meet cute, online fuck buddies, online sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-26
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-01-06 05:17:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1102864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HobbitFeels/pseuds/HobbitFeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thorin and Bilbo meet on Grindr and agree on a very specific arrangement:  No one is to do anything silly like actually meet or fall in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lots of dialogue-only sections are included. 
> 
> This fic uses American measures, phone number protocol, email, and the word "apartment" because it made a better title. If these things "take (you) out of the Tolkien-verse" too much because they are not English, perhaps a (tagged as) Modern AU that starts with two people meeting on a _phone app_ and carrying out a relationship using _technology not existing in Middle Earth_ is not for you.
> 
> Text conversation key-  
>  **Bilbo is bold**  
>  _Thorin is italic_
> 
> NSA = no strings attached  
> Vers = versatile, likes top and bottom
> 
> I like to think modern Thorin has Richard Armitage's DoS press tour hair :D

 

 

 

*****September 15*****

_“If I’m having a bad day, getting a text from you or seeing you online makes it instantly better. I get fluttery and excited when I see your name on an incoming call, and it isn’t only because I know we’ll be getting off. It sounds pretty crazy, I guess, considering I don’t even know your apartment number…”_

_Bilbo trailed off and chuckled nervously, suddenly aware that he was rambling. There was nothing but silence on the line._

_“Thorin?” Bilbo said. “Thorin, are you there?”_

_His phone made the sound that confirmed the call had been ended. Not dropped, but ended. Bilbo stared at it in his hand. His heart sank. He had never intended to confess so much, but the part of him that made emotional decisions at 1 in the morning thought he could have trusted Thorin not to hang up on him. He took a deep breath and tried not to cry._

 

 

 

*****June--Three Months Earlier*****

Bilbo was embarrassed to even be downloading this stupid app. He was nearly 40 years old, and here he was signing up for Grindr. He sifted through it and felt a mixture of revulsion and arousal. The boys were pretty, of course, and many of them were sparsely clothed, but they were still mostly _boys_. It was not as though Bilbo thought he would find some great romance there--he simply wanted to get off like everyone else--but he hadn’t even tried to speak to anyone yet and already felt old.

He filled out his details ("5’6, here for NSA phone sex or sext, Vers") and took a photo of himself from the shoulders up. Purely on principle, he decided he wanted someone to be forced to look him in the face (erm, kind of) before they asked about his dick.

In less than a day, he had adjusted his profile ("I do not want to be anyone’s 'daddy,'” "I’m not sending strangers pictures of my cock") and had blocked quite a few people. There was a rather adamant 25 year old (online, 2.3 miles away) who initiated a randy chat. Bilbo enjoyed getting off with him, but he was too aggressive about wanting to meet. Although the guy was delightfully dirty in his talk and pretty as could be, Bilbo did not want to get mixed up in a physical, casual relationship at the moment. Fear of disease, of complications, of looking for a partner later only to find he’d accidentally shagged half of their friends…the wonderful world of technology made it possible to get off without getting into the act.

 

 

 

*****

“Well, what did you _think_ Grindr was?” Bilbo’s friend Bofur said when Bilbo complained.  
“I thought it was a hook-up app!” Bilbo protested.  
“Yes, but hooking up implies you are actually, you know, _hooking up_.”  
“But I just want phone sex and cyber sex and that sort of thing.”  
“What are you, eighty fucking years old? No one even talks like that anymore. And what is wrong with a little slap and tickle, anyway? A lot of these younger guys won’t care that you’re in your late 30s as long as you are fit, which you are.”  
“Nothing is wrong with it, except for maybe calling it ’slap and tickle.’ I am more comfortable right now doing things electronically. We’ll share dirty talk and I’ll take care of the physical details myself. Minimal risk is what I’m after right now.”  
“Grindr is going to be more trouble than it is worth for you, then. Most of the people there are looking for something much more tactile, however temporary.”

 

 

*****

A handful of days, dozens of blocks, several awkward conversations, and exactly two orgasms later, Bilbo all but decided to delete Grindr from his phone. He checked his notifications (too young, too demanding, oh holy god that thing is huge) and flipped through the people online one last time. A smile stopped him dead. The fellow-- _Thorin_ \--had a face shot from the shoulders up, just like his. He had short hair that was longish on the top with a tiny flip at the nape, blue eyes, a hint of scruff, and he was 40 years old. Fuck, he had several of the younger guys _beat_ when it came to physical beauty. Bilbo skimmed his details ("6’2, 210, Top, NSA chat/text only. No meet-ups, no exceptions") and felt his pulse quicken. Bilbo was only 247 feet away from him! Of course, that wouldn’t matter anyway, he reminded himself. Close didn’t matter for what he--for what they both--wanted. Still, Bilbo went to the window of his apartment and looked out. Maybe the guy was out for a run or walking a dog or something.

 

 

*****

Thorin had just come home from the latest in a string of disappointing meet-ups orchestrated by Grindr. He had engaged in one too many sloppy kisses and clumsy gropes since he began using the app for his taste. For an app built to facilitate sex, he was not having any luck whatsoever in getting off…or maybe simply he wasn’t thirty any longer. These younger men did not know how to seduce, how to ask for what they wanted, or how to talk about anything more interesting than the latest night in the club when they got “sooooo wasted.” Better to just wank. Cheaper and safer, too.

His own imagination needed a boost, though, and Thorin figured if he found someone fairly proficient at getting him off with their words, it would be well worth the effort he would have to put in on his end to come. He was done for a while with meeting anyone from the app, though. Even if he found a good talker, it was no guarantee he would be a good fuck. With his new plan in mind, he changed his Grindr to ward off any potential risks.

For the next few days, Thorin received very few genuine takers. He still received attention, but it was mostly people asking him why he was not interested in meeting. He blocked the ruder people (“Bet that isnt yr pic + you don’t want any 1 to no your a fuckin liar"), had a couple conversations with bad dirty talkers, and was considering scrapping Grindr altogether when he saw a cute face with an odd name. Bilbo. Expressive eyes, cute smile, nearly Thorin’s age, and looking for non-physical sex chat. Thorin grinned. He could work with this.

 

 

 

*****

Chat notification--

_“Hello, Bilbo. How are you today?”_  
**“Hello. This is so strange. I was just looking at your profile.”**  
_“Oh really? Did you like what you saw?”_  
**“I did. Quite a bit, actually. Is Thorin your name or is it an online thing?”**  
_“It is my first name. You have a great smile, btw.”_  
**“Thank you. I was thinking the same about you.”**  
_“We seem to be seeking similar situations, too. Unless I am mistaken, you are looking for NSA verbal or written sex?”_  
**“Yes I am.”**  
_“Good, so am I.”_  
**“Aren’t you going to ask me why?”**  
_“No. I figure our reasons are our own.”_  
**“Thank you for that. You have no idea how many times I’ve had to defend the idea in a few short days.”**  
_“Believe me, I would.”_  
**“So, would you like to talk to me?”**  
_“I thought I was talking to you.”_  
**“Cheeky. I meant, are you interested enough to talk dirty with me?”**  
_“Oh, I think so.”_  
**“Would you like to call me? My number is (555) 555-1515.”**  
_“Is it a problem if I’m not comfortable with that yet?”_  
**“No, not at all. I apologize. So, text?”**  
_“Right now is not convenient for me and typing on my phone can be infuriating. Large fingers were not made for these tiny touch screens. Do you ever do Gtalk?”_  
**“Gtalk?”**  
_“Google talk. Google’s chat feature. I type much faster on a keyboard than a phone. Much more convenient for a wank, too.”_  
**“Yes, I know what that is. I’ve never heard it called that before.”**  
_“Meet me there tonight. Maybe around 11? Thorin@gmail.com.”_  
**“11 works. BilboBegins@gmail.com for me.”**  
_“Bilbo Begins what?”_  
**“Ha! It is a play on my name, nothing special.”**  
_“Oh, I’m HOPING you’re special.”_  
**“Sweet talker. I’ll see you tonight. If you change your mind, drop me an email. No explanation needed or anything. I just don’t want to be waiting if you are not going to show up.”**  
_“Understandable and I would expect the same. But I’ll be there. I’m getting hard thinking about it already.”_  
**“Oh god. Me too, actually.”**  
_“Save it for me, Bilbo”_

 

 

 

*****

Bilbo chided himself. Of course if the guy is out walking, he can’t just duck into a corner and have wicked text sex with him. He read back over the chat a half-dozen times. That last “Bilbo” had him wondering what Thorin sounded like saying his name. More to the point, screaming it. He peeked at his watch. 5:49pm. How was he going to make it until 11?

 

 

*****

Google Talk Window--

 _“Good evening, Bilbo. Nice to see you are punctual.”_  
**“Hello, Thorin. I was early. I’ve been anticipating this all day.”**  
_“I have, too. Have you been touching yourself?”_  
**“Yes. All over. I’m naked.”**  
_“In a bed or at a desk?”_  
**“I’m in bed with you and my laptop, but I’ve got your profile open so I can see your face.”**  
_“I like the sound of all of that. I’m on my bed, too. I didn’t think to open my phone, though. I’m borrowing your idea.”_  
**“Feel free. So, if I were there, how would you begin?”**  
_“Interesting, no ‘my arse is in the air waiting for your big fat cock?’”_  
**“We can jump ahead if you’d like, but I enjoy a little wind-up before, at least when I can get it. Although now that you mention it, do you have a fat cock? ;P “**  
_“I like a little wind-up, too. Haha--I do not have porno cock or anything, but I’m tall and it is proportional. No soda cans stashed in my pants, but we would probably need to put in a little effort before you could take it.”_  
**“I do not need a porno cock, anyway. When I’m receiving, too big is a liability. When I’m giving, size doesn’t matter.”**  
_“I’m not a receiver.”_  
**“I saw. In my real life, I do not enjoy assplay with strangers at all. It is far too intimate. For our purposes here, very little is off-limits. We can play however you’d like. If you are a top in your fantasies as well, I will not move the conversation in the opposite direction.”**  
_“I would prefer that, and thank you. You are very polite for someone I’m about to pound into the bed. First, though, I think I’m going to kiss you. You are shorter than I am, which I think I would like. I’m running my hands over your bare skin. How do you feel, Bilbo? Describe yourself for me so I know how you would feel under my hands.”_  
**“I’ve got a little muscle here and there but I’m not a rock. There is a softness to my skin. My hair is light and not coarse, though you can still feel it. If you touched me, Thorin, it would send shivers across my body. I love to be held and stroked, particularly while we kiss. I love to kiss. I’m a bit of a tongue-sucker.”**  
_“I like that. I would imagine how you felt sucking my cock when you pulled on my tongue. I’m a lip-biter, myself.”_  
“ **Yes, please. Fuck my mouth with your tongue, nibble my lips…you’ll have me moaning in no time at all. I’ll drop kisses down your throat and drag my teeth along the cords in your neck.”**  
_“Bite me. Suck into me so I can see it the next morning and remember our night together.”_  
**“Is that real or fantasy? That you would wear the marks from your trysts?”**  
_“It isn’t something I’ve done. Unfortunately, I do not have many trysts worth the next day’s teasing. I would like it, though.”_  
**“That is so hot. I would love to suck and bite into you, pressing my body against yours. Maybe I’ll push you back onto the bed in order to get a thorough sampling of your body. How would your skin feel against my lips? Describe it to me.”**  
_“Firm under the skin in most places. Hair on my chest, arms, and legs. Pubic hair is closely cropped but not shaved down to nothing. If you had a mind to kiss your way to my cock, you wouldn’t have any trouble with hair in your teeth.”_  
**“Ha! That is considerate. Maybe I will. Maybe I’ll kiss my way down to your cock and have myself a taste. Are you turned on enough to drip?”**  
_“I just squeezed along my shaft and the answer is yes. Would you lick it off me?”_  
**“Yes. More than that.”**  
_“How much more? Short sentences, typing with one hand.”_  
**“Same. I would lick you, suck you. Make you moan.”**  
_“Does it turn you on?”_  
“ **Yes. So good feeling you in my mouth. You’re so hard. You’ve grabbed my head and started to move.”**  
_“God, I’m fucking your mouth?”_  
**“If you please. I’m sucking faster and you are moaning.”**  
_“Because I love it. Don’t stop.”_  
**“I have to hold your hips down so I do not choke. I take you all the way in, down to the base.”**  
_“I’m struggling to move, I know it.”_  
**“If you stay still, I’ll keep taking you in deep.”**  
_“Fuck.”_  
**“Spit is dripping down my chin and your balls but I don’t care. I’m moving fast now.”**  
_“Close. Too close to type.”_  
**“I’m rubbing my tongue against you as I suck. I’m making the most obscene slurping sounds but you do not notice because you’re groaning and calling my name. I wrap my hand around you and move it in time with my mouth. I feel you get even harder. You try to warn me that you are going to come but I won’t stop. When you finish, I drink your come. I can’t get enough of it. Your hands are in my hair as you shake beneath me. I squeeze out every last drop.”**  
_“Holy hell. Hold on.”_  
**“Ok.”**  
_“I just came all over myself, had to wipe up. I notice you went back to typing with both hands.”_  
**“I wanted to make a compelling case for your orgasm.”**  
_“And yours?”_  
**“Imminent.”**  
_“What can I do?”_  
**“God, that was good.”**  
_“Wait, you’re done?”_  
**“I read back over our conversation and finished to swallowing your load.”**  
_“I was looking forward to talking you off.”_  
**“You did, in a way. I was close before I stopped to type. It didn’t take much to finish.”**  
_“That was interesting. We didn’t even get past a single blowjob before I lost it.”_  
**“That gives us more to do next time, then. That is, if you’d like a next time. I think I would.”**  
_“Absolutely I would like a next time!”_  
**“I’m glad. I like that even when you are one-handed, you aren’t doing text speak or doing anything embarrassing like trying to type out your moans.”**  
_“Oh god, I hate that. ’Touch me aaaaaaaah!’ Takes me right out of the moment.”_  
**“Agreed. No, this was great. I liked it quite a bit. The evidence is starting to dry on my stomach, matter of fact. When can we do it again? “**  
_“I’ve got your number. I’ll text you. Next time, maybe you’ll come in my mouth instead.”_  
**“Intriguing! Do you swallow?”**  
_“Like a greedy pig.”_  
**“There’s that sweet talk again.”**  
_“Good night, Bilbo. Thank you.”_  
**“Sweet dreams, Thorin. Thank you as well. It was a lovely time.”**

 

 

 

*****

Before turning off his phone, Thorin clicked “favorite” on Bilbo’s profile and grinned.

 

 

*****

Bilbo added Thorin to his “favorites” before so much as logging out of gmail. He had been the best thing on Grindr so far.

Bilbo had an amazing sleep and spent the morning giddy thinking of Thorin and the night before. By afternoon, anxiety had set in. He knew how to find Thorin, but he did not want to be _that guy_. They were both seeking something with no strings attached, after all. Still, liking something enough to want it again didn’t constitute a string. Thorin said he’d text him, but did that mean Bilbo wasn’t to speak to him first? Come to think of it, Bilbo didn’t have his number at all! Bilbo felt a bit of panic before remembering that he still had Thorin’s Grindr and his email address. It wasn’t as though he disappeared into thin air.

 

 

 

*****

Incoming Text-- _  
_

_I can’t stop thinking about last night. This is Thorin, by the way._

_And this is my number. You can add this to your phone, if you are so inclined._

**As if I wouldn’t! I’ve been thinking about last night, too. Can barely concentrate on my work today.**

_Can we meet on gtalk again tonight? I was thinking we’d wait so I wouldn’t be THAT GUY, you know? But I’m horny as hell thinking of what I’m going to say to make you nut the way I did last night._

**Such language! I like it! I did not want to be the eager person, either, but my cock has a mind of its own.**

_Remind me to thank it later. 11?_

**11 is good for me.**

 

 

 

*****Late June*****

Bilbo and Thorin texted and talked online frequently for the next couple weeks. The sex talks happened nearly every other night while quick and dirty texts arrived occasionally during the day. There were other texts and short conversations, too. They knew each other’s professions and last names already. They were gradually learning family details, outside interests, and things of the like.

They never did anything more with the other than text and gtalk. Bilbo would check Grindr now and then but mostly just to see Thorin. He had no interest in bothering with anyone else, not when Thorin worked so beautifully all on his own.

 

 

 

*****

Google Talk Window--

_“Hello handsome.”_  
_“_ **Thorin, you rascal. You are late! I was thinking perhaps you had tired of me.”**  
_“Please. Besides, we have the standing email deal. I would tell you.”_  
**“Speaking of telling--I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but Grindr always says you’re something like 200 feet away from me. Now, either you have been stalking me since the day we met, or we are neighbors.”**  
_“I’ve noticed that, too. I’ve been loath to mention it, though. I like things the way they are.”_  
**“I do, too, but aren’t you curious?”**  
_“Maybe.”_  
**“I live in Winyard Apartments, number 3A.”**  
_“What are the odds? I can confirm I live in Winyard Apartments, too.”_  
**“What number?”**  
_“Do I have to say?”_  
**“No, not at all.”**  
_“Shit, are you angry? Look, I just…this works, you know?”_  
**“Calm down. I’m not angry. NSA, right? That means you do not have to tell me where you live. I’ve already got your phone number and your email. We can find each other for the important things whenever we want.”**  
_“How much do I love that sex is ‘the important things?’”_  
**“My priorities are straight.”**  
_“Lucky for me, you are not.”_  
**“Ugh, really?”**  
_“Was my bad joke too much of a boner-killer?”_  
**“Thorin, nothing about you is a boner-killer. Now, if you do not mind, I’d like to stroke said boner while you graphically explain to me how you are going to fuck my arse.”**  
_“See? That is exactly why I can’t jeopardize this. You are a treasure.”_  
**“Sweet talk later, dirty talk now.”**

 

 

 

*****

Bilbo _was_ a bit disappointed Thorin did not want to share his apartment number with him. It wasn’t as though Bilbo was going to show up at his door. Confirming his suspicion that they lived near each other electrified him, though. He took to looking around much more than usual, eyes scanning the parking lot in the morning and evening to see if he could catch a glimpse of Thorin. He thought he saw him once, but he was too far away to tell.

 

 

*****

Thorin was relieved Bilbo was not angry over the secrets he kept. Bilbo was frequently a highlight of his days. Meeting him would not be the worst thing, he supposed, but it was not part of their arrangement. Bilbo’s Grindr said no strings attached, and that was what he wanted, too. They could have fantastic orgasms without getting all mixed up in the rest of it. It had worked out better than Thorin’s best hopes so far.

He could not help glancing around more frequently in sheer curiosity, though. He and Bilbo decided early on not to exchange many pictures and Thorin would love to steal a good look. One day, coming home from work, Thorin got his wish. Bilbo was taking out his trash and Thorin knew him in an instant. He thought for a moment he might have been spotted, but Bilbo disappeared back into the building. Thorin grinned. Bilbo was attractive, head to toe.

 

 

 

*****July 4*****

Bilbo was fiddling around on his phone, waiting for Thorin to show up on his laptop, when it rang in his hand. The incoming call announcement read, “Thorin.”

Bilbo’s mouth went dry.

“Hello?”  
“Bilbo?”  
“Yes.”  
“Surprise!”  
“It is that, isn’t it?”  
“I hope this is okay. You asked me to call you that first day-”  
“No, it is fine. I’ve been dying to hear your voice, actually.”  
“And?”  
“I do not think my cock will ever be soft again. How do you get through your daily life without a pack of people following you home every day?”  
“Not everyone sees it like you, I suppose. I come home alone, but then I get on the computer and have sex with you. Not a bad way to be.”  
“So what is the occasion? Why now?”  
“A little fourth of July fireworks, so to speak? I’ve been thinking lately that I don’t want to settle for typing out a filthy little phrase to make you come when I could hear it. Plus, your Grindr says you wanted phone sex and I aim to please.”  
“Do you still go on Grindr? Not that there‘s any reason you shouldn‘t.”  
“Not for _that_. Sometimes I just go on yours. Weird. That’s weird, isn’t it?”  
“I hope not. I do it, too.”  
“So, what do I have to do tonight to get you to moan for me?”  
“With that voice? Grab a book off your shelf and start reading.”  
“Shit, did I just snort? I never snort when I laugh, I swear to god!”  
“Your laugh is charming, snort and all. I was only sort of kidding. Some night when I haven’t been hard for thirty minutes waiting for you, maybe you could read me something.”  
“You like my voice that much?”  
“You have no idea, Thorin.”  
“I need you to say my name as much as possible. It just made my cock twitch.”  
“What are you waiting for, _Thorin_?”  
“Fuck, you are such a tease.”  
“Teases don’t put out like I do.”

 

 

 

*****Early August*****

After the first phone conversation, their late nights grew later. Adding the enticement of audio made their sessions more erotic and inventive. Thorin loved Bilbo’s compliments on his voice, but Bilbo’s voice stirred him just as much. Bilbo was shockingly vocal from the moment he touched himself to their explosive conclusions.

 

 

*****

Since the phone calls started, it seemed it was more and more often that Bilbo opened his gmail to funny links, pictures, or simply a personal anecdote of Thorin’s to help break up his day. Bilbo responded with the same. Texts still happened with frequency, too, and they were not exclusively obscene.

 

 

*****

Thorin realized one day he hadn’t had a date, a fling, or so much as a kiss with anyone since he met Bilbo on Grindr. Grindr itself was just taking up space on his phone and giving him useless notifications to update the app. He simply deleted it.

Thorin took to walking past Bilbo’s apartment a couple times a week. Not to knock, but if they accidentally met in the hall…

 

 

 

*****Late August*****

Bilbo bought a new phone and did not bother downloading Grindr. He talked nearly daily to the best thing on it, anyway.

 

 

*****

Thorin received a video text from Bilbo. The accompanying message read, “Testing out my new phone. Who’s a lucky boy?”

Thorin chuckled and clicked play. A naked body backed away from the camera, only as far as to show the collarbone down to the thigh. Even before the man in the picture cleared his throat nervously, Thorin knew it was Bilbo. This was something new for them. They had exchanged a photo or two, but they weren’t naked.

The man pumped some gel into his hand and stroked himself to hardness. He was clearly a bit nervous at first, but it melted away when the pleasure set in. Thorin watched, shocked, as Bilbo pumped himself until he groaned and spurted.

 _Holy shit_. Thorin decided he was the lucky boy, no doubt about it.

 

 

 

*****

“What the hell was that?”  
“Well, hello to you too, Thorin.”  
“Fuck, Bilbo! I was late for a meeting, waiting for my erection to subside.”  
“So you liked it, then?”  
“I’m standing in my apartment in broad daylight with my cock in my hand. What do you think?”  
“I think I’d like to hear you come. That, and for you to delete that video. Heaven forbid someone find it.”  
“So, in exchange for deleting the video, you promise to make me come?”  
“Isn’t that such a deal?”

 

 

*****

Thorin and Bilbo had a rather boisterous round of afternoon phone sex, Thorin spurred on by the new visual of Bilbo stroking his (beautiful) cock. They talked a bit afterward before Bilbo begged off for dinner. They texted on and off for the remainder of the evening. Thorin nearly called Bilbo to say goodnight simply to hear his voice again when he froze in mid-reach for his phone.

Oh shit.

Shit fuck shit.

Thorin was in love with him.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

Thorin's first instinct was to run, but Bilbo was already too important to him to simply cease all contact. Still, Thorin needed to find a way to put at least _some_ distance between them.

He needed time to _think_.

 

 

 

*****

Thorin said his workload had surged, leaving him less time than before to get dirty with Bilbo. Bilbo did not realize until they talked less just how much he had grown accustomed to him. Thorin did not disappear entirely, thankfully, otherwise Bilbo would have thought something was wrong. The texts and brief daytime gtalk chats still happened so they could check in, but Bilbo was getting antsy. He had grown accustomed to hearing Thorin’s voice every day, not to mention the amazing assisted masturbation. There was something more, however. He felt an ache, an _emptiness_. He _missed_ Thorin.

Bilbo had fallen in love with him.

 

 

 

*****September 15*****

“Hello?”  
“Hey Thorin. Is it a bad time?”  
“Um, no.”  
“Sorry to call so late, but I figured we’ve been up this late talking before even when it wasn’t a Saturday night. I just…I suppose I needed to hear your voice.”  
“No, I was in bed but awake.”  
“Oh, did I disturb…something?”  
“No, no, no. Nothing like that.”  
“I had not been hearing much from you. I know you’ve been busy with work but I thought maybe you might be, uh, dating someone. Maybe you did not know how to tell me.”  
“No. I’ve not dated this summer at all. Dated or fooled around, either one.”  
“I haven’t either. I don’t do this with anyone else anymore. Not on purpose, it just sort of happened that way.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Are you working any overtime tomorrow? Do you need to go to sleep?”  
“No, no I…um…no.”  
“Is everything okay? You sound sort of weird.”  
“I’m fine. I’m a bit tired and it is just really nice to hear your voice again. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it.”  
“I missed yours, too. No, you know what? Fuck this arrangement. I missed _you_ , Thorin. I had not realized how much you had become part of my life until you grew busy. I realize it is insane to be this entwined with someone I’ve never met in person, but here I am. If I’m having a bad day, getting a text from you or seeing you online makes it instantly better. I can’t help but get fluttery and excited when I see your name on an incoming call, and it isn’t only because I know we’ll be getting off. It sounds pretty crazy, I guess, considering I don’t even know your apartment number…”

Bilbo trailed off and chuckled nervously, suddenly aware that he was rambling. There was nothing but silence on the line.

“Thorin?” Bilbo said. “Thorin, are you there?”

His phone made the sound that confirmed the call had been ended. Not dropped, but _ended_. Bilbo stared at it in his hand. His heart sank. He had never intended to confess so much, but the part of him that made emotional decisions at 1 in the morning thought he could have trusted Thorin not to _hang up on him_. He took a deep breath and tried not to cry.

Bilbo was still sitting on his bed, staring zombie-like at his phone when he heard a knock at his door. His heart pounded against his chest as he went to see who it was. A look through the peephole confirmed it was Thorin, standing outside in his sock feet. Trembling, Bilbo opened the door.

Thorin walked up to Bilbo, seizing his face with both hands.  
“I live in apartment 6C,” he said.

Thorin pulled Bilbo’s lips to his, claiming his mouth passionately.


	2. Smut And Bonus Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What it says on the tin.

_Thorin walked up to Bilbo, seizing his face with both hands.  
“I live in apartment 6C,” he said._

_Thorin pulled Bilbo’s lips to his, claiming his mouth passionately._

Bilbo had trouble kissing Thorin the way he wanted to because he could not stop smiling. Thorin was rather insistent, it seemed, and Bilbo's grin did not deter him from claiming the kisses he had heard described dozens of times. 

Thorin was still cradling Bilbo's head when he broke away, leaning against his forehead.  
"Bedroom?" Thorin rasped.  
"Door," Bilbo replied, gesturing toward the still-open door outside. 

Bilbo moved to close and latch the door, only to find himself pressed to it while Thorin kissed his neck. A rather healthy erection pushed against him. Thorin did not seem to have stopped to dress, coming to Bilbo's door in summer-weight cotton pajama bottoms and a t-shirt. Bilbo turned around in Thorin's arms and looked up at him. Thorin was far more gorgeous than his picture, particularly with the desire burning behind his eyes.

"God, they are blue," Thorin murmured, leaning down to capture another kiss.  
"Pardon?"  
"Your eyes. I never could get a good look in your pictures."  
"I told you they were blue."  
"But I couldn't _see_ them clearly," Thorin insisted. 

Thorin ran his tongue along the separation of Bilbo's mouth and parted it slightly. Bilbo snatched it with his lips and sucked it in deeper. Thorin groaned and held him firmly, as though he would get away. As the kisses grew frantic, Bilbo walked them toward the bedroom. They removed pieces of clothing along the way and Bilbo nearly lost a lamp when he backed Thorin into a table in their haste. They were naked by the time they reached the bedroom, and only then did they break to look the other over. 

Bilbo was silently thankful he only had a nicely shaded table lamp lit. This was not a moment to be judged by the harshness of the overhead light. His eyes drank Thorin in. He was tall, he was built, he was very nicely hung, and he was looking at Bilbo as though he was some long-lost piece of art. 

"Well?" Thorin said nervously. "How do I compare to your imagination?"  
"Are you joking? I've never seen something so perfect within touching distance! I'm far more worried about me. I'm not some six foot god like you are."

Thorin stepped forward and smoothed the back of his knuckles up and down Bilbo's arms. On the last pass down, he twined his fingers into Bilbo's on both hands. 

"You leave me breathless, Bilbo," he whispered, nuzzling against Bilbo's cheek. "In fact, I'm about to lose the last shred of restraint I have."  
Bilbo leaned into the contact. "I'm frankly offended you haven't already," he jested.

Thorin pushed him back on the bed and covered Bilbo's body with his own. He kissed him deeply, touching everywhere his hands could reach. He moved his kisses to Bilbo's throat and shoulders.

Between kisses, Thorin murmured in wonder, "You're real, real, real."

Bilbo urged Thorin back up to claim his mouth again. 

"I've never been kissed like this in all my life. You didn't tell me you could kiss like this," Bilbo accused after several minutes.  
"Well, you never told me you smelled so _good_ ," Thorin countered, inhaling deeply. "It is amazing...I could breathe you in forever."

Thorin worked his way down Bilbo's torso, reveling in being able to press his lips to Bilbo's actual, solid flesh. He nosed around Bilbo's erection, breathing deep through his nose and humming in approval. He licked sweet kisses against Bilbo's thighs.

"What are you doing down there?" Bilbo coquetted.  
Thorin grinned and hovered over Bilbo's cock as he answered, knowing his breath could be felt against it. "So many times, I've only been able to listen when you finished. Tonight, I'm going to taste it."

Thorin ran his tongue up Bilbo's shaft before popping the tip into his mouth. He bobbed on it shallowly, listening joyously to Bilbo's reactions. Bilbo's cries of pleasure were familiar, but also different now that Thorin's touches were bringing them forth instead of Bilbo's own. 

"Thorin," Bilbo gasped. "As much as you swallowing me down would thrill me, I rather hoped you might want to _feel_ me come."  
"Mmm?" Thorin replied, mouth too full for much else.  
"With your cock in me," Bilbo clarified.

Thorin stopped for a moment to make sure he actually heard what he thought he heard. He moved up Bilbo's body and settled next to him, needing eye contact. He took Bilbo's hand and fidgeted with it.

"I thought you said you don't do that with strangers," Thorin said.  
"You're hardly a stranger now, are you?"

Thorin knew that was certainly true. Over the weeks, they had not only talked dirty but shared intimate details about their lives as well. Thorin had even confessed dreams to Bilbo he had never told another soul. Bilbo was in no way a stranger to him, even if his body was new, but Thorin hadn't dared presume. 

Bilbo raised Thorin's hand to his mouth and gently kissed each finger, darting his tongue out a bit for each touch. 

"Thorin, I want your lovely, long fingers to slip inside me, one by one, until I'm opened enough to take that beautiful cock. Is that something you would like, too?"  
"Jesus, Bilbo," Thorin groaned, rolling over to kiss Bilbo hard. "Where's the lube?"

Bilbo felt around on the nightstand awkwardly until he got the drawer open. "Can't reach. Lubrication and condoms are both in there."

Thorin stretched forward and managed to rescue the proper supplies. He popped open the bottle of clear gel and coated his fingers. Bilbo spread his legs for him and Thorin pressed one inside. Bilbo sucked in a breath before relaxing around it. 

"That was surprisingly easy," Thorin said.  
Bilbo grinned. "I told you, I like my toys."

Thorin grinned back. He remembered with incredible fondness those special phone sessions when Bilbo would fuck himself on a dildo. 

"Oh!' Bilbo said, suddenly distressed. "I wanted to taste _you_! I was supposed to suck marks into your neck and lick the wetness oozing from your cock!"  
"You're just going to have to wait," Thorin chided him gently, adding another finger. "You cannot expect to tell me you are going to let me fuck you and think my mind could be on anything else."

Bilbo was fighting to not arch off the bed with how good Thorin felt touching him so intimately. It seemed strange, having this discussion with Thorin while sensations like this were rippling through him. Still, it seemed important to talk about it now. 

"I wanted to. I didn't know if..." Bilbo trailed off, not quite sure how to say it. 

Realization dawned on Thorin and he cursed himself for being such a coward the past couple weeks. 

"Bilbo, this is not going to be the only time. Not if I get a say in the matter," Thorin softly assured him.

Thorin slipped the condom over his erection and slicked it generously. He eased Bilbo's legs back, positioning himself to press in. He glanced up at Bilbo, seeking one last assurance that this was what they both wanted. 

Bilbo simply said, "Please."

Thorin pushed forward and Bilbo pushed back, bearing against him to make the entry more smooth. It was not long before he was fully engulfed. He covered Bilbo with his form again, this time rocking inside him as he held him. Bilbo panted and whimpered beneath Thorin as their movements picked up speed. Nothing they discussed in their late night sex talks prepared him for what this felt like. Thorin had a fair share of sex in his day, but this was different. _Bilbo_ was different. 

Bilbo could not contain the noises spilling from his mouth as Thorin took him. Ruined him, truly, because Bilbo had never bedded anything like him. He was gorgeous, funny, playful, and lusty all at once. Bilbo had some of his best orgasms just listening to the man's voice while he touched himself. He could not believe this had somehow become his life. Weeks of wishes were coming true, right this moment, in his very bed. 

"I've wanted this for so long," Bilbo confessed. "I've thought about it so much."  
"Me too. Fuck, me too," Thorin replied breathlessly.

Gentle explorations and tender kisses grew harder and more heated. Thorin murmured dirty thoughts in Bilbo's ear, a weeks-long habit proving difficult to break. Bilbo was far from complaining, answering Thorin's filthy suggestions with obscene ideas of his own. 

Thorin felt the familiar, pleasurable tension build. Honestly, he was surprised he was able to last this long as it was. He was determined to get Bilbo off first. He reached for the lube and managed to get some in his palm. Cradling under Bilbo's shoulder with one hand, he stroked Bilbo with the slick one. Bilbo hissed and mewled, his face contorting in ecstasy. Thorin gazed at him, nearly transfixed by seeing this man fall apart for him. He knew he could never have enough of him. 

"Come for me," Thorin pleaded seductively, stroking in and out of him faster and faster while his hand worked Bilbo's cock. "Let me see it, like your video but better this time. Better because I'm the one doing it to you."  
"Close," Bilbo croaked.

Thorin rested his forehead on Bilbo's collarbone as he shifted his angle. Bilbo's muscles tensed and his noises grew more frantic and broken. Leaning up closer to Bilbo's ear, Thorin pumped Bilbo's cock with a twist and whispered, "I want to feel this cock inside me."

Thorin felt Bilbo get even warmer around him. Bilbo was almost there. It was a good thing, too, because Thorin could not hold off much longer. 

"I love you," Thorin whispered fiercely. 

Bilbo screamed and convulsed underneath him, coming in ribbons across his abdomen. Thorin slowed just enough for Bilbo to shiver through his aftershocks before doubling his speed. He was there in no time, coming so hard his toes cramped. Gasping, he held himself up with his arms for several moments before sliding out. He dipped down and obscenely licked the stripes of semen from Bilbo's skin.

"I got my wish of tasting you, after all," Thorin flirted.  
Bilbo moaned throatily. "Watching that was hotter than the fires of hell."

Thorin removed and tied off the condom.

"Where?" Thorin said, holding it up.  
"Left of the bed. My left," Bilbo said. 

Condom discarded, Thorin pressed kisses into Bilbo's neck and cheek before nestling in beside him. 

"I was so afraid of changing anything, thinking it would mess up the good thing we had going. I don't think I believed that changing it could make it better," Thorin said.  
"And now?" Bilbo said.  
"I'm kicking myself. We could have been doing this all along."  
Bilbo laughed. "We were, in a way."

Bilbo's heart had only somewhat slowed after his orgasm. Thorin's confession of love kept it pounding even after the rush of pleasure ebbed. Bilbo knew people frequently said things in the heat of passion they might not truly mean, though. He had a guy call him "mommy" during sex once. Poor thing was mortified, too. Thorin said he _loved_ him. Was that just the sex talking? Or did he mean it? 

Taking risks tonight got Bilbo a real, warm, and naked Thorin in his bed. Maybe he could brave one more. 

Screwing up all his courage, Bilbo said, "I-I love you, too."  
Thorin shifted up to gaze in Bilbo's eyes. "You do?"  
Bilbo gave him a small smile. "I really do."  
"Does that make this official?"  
"As official as you want it to be," Bilbo said.  
"What if I said I wanted to be exclusive?"  
"Oh, Thorin. I haven't even wanked to anyone but you since our first night."  
"That's a yes?"  
"That is an enormous yes."  
Thorin grinned and kissed him before snuggling once more into his side.

"May I stay the night?" Thorin asked. "I'd really love to sleep with you."  
"Whenever you want. It isn't like you have far to go if you change your mind. I've had fantasies where you'd call and ask to come over and sleep with me."  
"Did you?"  
"I did," Bilbo admitted. "Sometimes sex was involved, but most nights I just wanted you here to hold. Especially the last couple weeks."  
Thorin felt guilt twist in his gut. He had not only been depriving himself with his fear. He had been depriving Bilbo, too.  
"I lied about the extra work," Thorin blurted out. He felt Bilbo's body stiffen next to him. "I'm so sorry, Bilbo."  
"Why?" Bilbo managed to ask evenly.  
"I panicked. I went to call you one night because I wanted to hear your voice before bed. This was one of those days when we had talked for hours already--it was the day you sent me the video--and I realized I was in love with you. No, I realized I was _fucking crazy about you_. I didn't know what to do. I needed time to think without hurting your feelings. Looking back, it was stupid. I should have just told you. I'm sorry."

Bilbo had a hard time being angry with Thorin for internally freaking out over being in love. He kissed the top of his head.

"I think I can see my way clear to forgiving you. I would prefer if you did not lie to me again, though. I'm a big boy. I can take tough news."  
"I won't," Thorin promised. 

Thorin lazily traced his fingers over Bilbo's stomach. He said, "The world is a weird place. You are so perfect for me and you were quite literally under my nose all this time. Think about it--we lived in the same building and never met, hooked up online and never met, and fell in love with each other and _still_ never met."  
"Until now."  
"Until now," Thorin agreed. 

Bilbo had just about drifted off to sleep when he heard Thorin ask, "Hey, when is your lease up?"

*****Three Months Later--December*****

"Get out of there!" Bilbo groused, smacking Thorin's behind. Thorin had been snooping around in the closets again.  
"Easy! I'm a little tender, still," Thorin protested.  
Bilbo smiled. "I guess I did get a bit carried away last night."  
"A bit?" Thorin folded Bilbo into his arms for a kiss. "I'm going to feel you inside me for a week."  
"I think you like it," Bilbo flirted.  
Thorin hummed. "I always like it when you take me like that."  
Thorin kissed him again.  
Bilbo pushed him back playfully. "Wait! This is _not_ getting you out of trouble for trying to peek at your Christmas presents. I'm wrapping them tonight and they will all remain _untouched_ under our tree until Christmas morning."  
"Except for our new bed," Thorin reminded him.  
"Well, the new bed was a present for the apartment. That's different."  
"I still can't believe I managed to talk you into moving in with me so soon," Thorin said.  
"I can't believe you were holding out on me that you had a two-bedroom with a jacuzzi tub and a damn balcony!"  
"Ah, now the truth comes out! You're shagging me for my apartment!"  
"No, I'm _shagging_ you because you are sex on legs. I _love_ you because you are smart, funny, kind, and generous. The apartment is just a delightful bonus on top of it all. It still doesn't change the fact that you should not be trying to ruin your Christmas surprises."  
Thorin gazed at Bilbo lovingly. "You're the best thing I've gotten all year, anyhow."  
"Still my sweet talker," Bilbo replied.

Later that night, Bilbo leaned against the living room doorway and watched the tree lights blink in and out of sequence. He felt Thorin's arms encircle his waist as Thorin rested his chin on Bilbo's head. Bilbo folded his own arms to cradle the ones holding him. They stood in contented silence for several minutes. 

"So," Thorin murmured.  
Bilbo smiled. "So?"  
"How do you feel about getting married?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short, bonus chapter. I had this in mind when I wrote Chapter 1, but never got around to adding it as a coda.

Thorin took Bilbo to his sister's annual holiday gathering a few days later.

 _"We have an engagement to announce, after all,"_ Thorin had reasoned.

*****

Bilbo loved Thorin's family straight away. He felt like he already knew many of his relatives from Thorin's stories--particularly his nephews, who starred in some of the best ones. They weren't there, though, and Bilbo wondered more than once where they might be. Just ahead of dinner, they finally arrived at the party.

"Bilbo, these are my nephews, Fíli and Kíli," Thorin said proudly.

Bilbo smiled and shook their hands. "Nice to meet you both."

A look lingered between Bilbo and Kíli for a moment--the sort of look where one or both parties thought they might have possibly met before, but neither knowing quite when. The awkwardness passed quickly, though, and by the time dinner was over and their engagement announcement made, everyone was fast friends.

*****  
Coming back from refreshing their drinks, Bilbo walked in on the end of a conversation Thorin was having with his nephews.

"Well, yeah, if you could keep him off Grindr for a night," Fíli was saying.  
"Oh shut up. Have you been laid by anyone whose last name you knew in weeks?" Kíli countered. "I'm 25, for fuck's sake! I'm entitled to a little bit of fun before I settle down like Thorin."  
Thorin knocked his shoulder into Kíli's. "I'm having plenty of fun, brat. You don't have _porn history_ as interesting as the fun I'm having."

The two razzed each other more, but Bilbo only heard static. Time had slowed to a crawl as he studied Kíli's face, realizing finally where he knew him from. Kíli was the delightful dirty talker, 2.3 miles away, who had wanted so badly to meet in person.

_Bloody hell._

Who knew that sort of thing ran in a family?

*****  
Bilbo nervously fretted through two rounds of Cards Against Humanity before he figured Kíli hadn't remembered they had (sort of) met before.

From then on, Bilbo was able to relax and enjoy the rest of his evening with the family. He was almost disappointed when the hour grew late and the company grew thin. As Thorin hugged his goodbyes, Bilbo volunteered to get the coats from the guest room.

*****  


"I thought you didn't want a relationship?"

Startled, Bilbo turned around to see Kíli leaning against the room's door frame, arms and legs crossed, a sly smile (that also, apparently, ran in the family) on his face.

Bilbo recovered admirably. Shrugging, he said, "What can I say? When it is right, it is right."

Kíli relaxed his arms but remained in his spot. Bilbo shifted nervously.

"You needn't worry. I won't say anything to anyone. I especially won't tell Thorin how hard you made me come," Kíli teased.  
"Kíli!" Bilbo hissed, looking past him to see if anyone was in the hall to overhear.  
Kíli smiled. "I couldn't resist getting one last, good flirt in. I promise I'll be good from now on. If I don't, I have a feeling you and Thorin will have my balls--one nut each."

Relieved, Bilbo chuckled, heading toward the door with coats in hand.  With a gentle hand at the shoulder, Kíli stopped Bilbo as he passed him in the doorway.

Quietly, next to his ear, Kíli said, "More's the pity for me, though. Thorin is a lucky fucker, indeed."

To avoid encouraging him, Bilbo bit back his natural response of, "You have no idea," in favor of a simple "Good night, Kíli."

Kíli called after him, "Good night, _Uncle_ Bilbo!"

*****  
Bilbo reached the front door and handed Thorin his coat.

"Bilbo, are you _blushing_?" Thorin asked.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing or no one in the Jackson or Tolkien world. This is a fanwork only.


End file.
